EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN SCHOOLS
Introduction To Emotional Intelligence in Schools
Can you teach emotional "skills" in schools? It would seem that "teaching" emotional intelligence - should it be possible - challenges all the basic tenets of the current paradigm of school-based learning mentioned above. Not to mention widely extending the remit of school in terms of content and form, in particular modifying the relationship between life and school. Many teachers and parents alike might well insist that such learning is not a question for schools, but rather the responsibility of parents. But the family is no longer the ideal place for it. In the Western World, the majority of families have shrunk from an extended community to its strict minimum (one or two parents and one or two children) ... and much less time is spent in the family than in school. What's more, parents are not always in a position to cope with or dispense such emotional skills.
What would be the consequences of introducing emotional intelligence in schools? Are schools the right place for it? Is it even possible? Scientific research, in particular on how the brain works, indicates that the formation of emotional skills is much easier in the "formative" years from birth to the late teens. Looking at existing structures, school is the major activity in that age group. However, emotions rarely have a place in schools. Beyond infants school and early primary school, almost all efforts are concentrated on cognitive skills (reading, writing, mathematics,...). What's more, there is little or nothing in the standard training of teachers that prepares them from such a task. Yet there is no subject where the quality and ability of teachers would be more crucial.
Introducing emotions in schools would be a radical change! Yet schools do not change so readily. Those well-meaning people who have tried to introduce innovations in schools have come up against considerable resistance from teachers, students and parents alike. Yet without their active participation, no such far-reaching change is possible.
Why is it difficult to teach students at all ages Emotional Intelligence
Emotional honesty means expressing your true feelings. To be able to be emotionally honest we must first be emotionally aware. This emotional awareness is related to our emotional intelligence. It is our emotional intelligence which gives us the ability to accurately identify our feelings.
Emotional intelligence may also give us the ability to decide when it is in our best interest to be emotionally honest by sharing our real feelings. There are times when it is not healthy or safe for us to be emotionally honest. In general though, I believe we would be better off individually and as a society if we would be more emotionally honest.
If we are more emotionally honest with ourselves we will get to know our "true selves" on a deeper level. This could help us become more self-accepting. It could also helps us make better choices about how to spend out time and who to spend it with.
If we are emotionally honest with others, it may encourage them to be more emotionally honest. When we are emotionally honest we are more likely not to be asked or pressured to do things which we do not want to do. We will also find out sooner who respects our feelings.
How society discourages emotional honesty
It takes emotional awareness, self-confidence, even courage to be emotionally honest.
This is because, in many ways, society teaches us to ignore, repress, deny and lie about our feelings. For example, when asked how we feel, most of us will reply "fine" or "good," even if that is not true. Often, people will also say that they are not angry or not defensive, when it is obvious that they are.
Children start out emotionally honest. They express their true feelings freely and spontaneously. But the training to be emotionally dishonest begins at an early age. Parents and teachers frequently encourage or even demand that children speak or act in ways which are inconsistent with the child's true feelings. The child is told to smile when actually she is sad. She is told to apologize when she feels no regret. She is told to say "thank you," when she feels no appreciation. She is told to "stop complaining" when she feels mistreated. She may be told to kiss people good night when she would never do so voluntarily. She may be told it is "rude" and "selfish" to protest being forced to act in ways which go against her feelings.
Also, children are told they can't use certain words to express themselves. I have seen more than one parent tell their child not to use the word "hate," for example. And of course, the use of profanity to express one's feelings is often punished, sometimes harshly. In some cases the parent never allows the children to explain why they feel so strongly.
As children become adolescents they begin to think more for themselves. They begin to speak out more, "talk back" more and challenge the adults around them. If these adults feel threatened they are likely to defend themselves by invalidating the adolescent's feelings and perceptions. There is also peer pressure to conform to the group norms.
Through all of this the child and adolescent learns they can't be honest with their feelings. They gradually stop being emotionally honest with their parents, their teachers, their friends and even themselves. They learn it just doesn't pay to be express one's true feelings.
What are the characteristics of Low Emotional Intelligence
Characteristics of a person with High Emotional Intelligence
